Ever since I was a young girl, I have heard about Martin Luther King Junior. My earliest recollection of what I knew about him was that he was a GOOD man. I knew he fought for justice, and that he gave the famous “I have a dream” speech at the March on Washington in 1963.
The day to commemorate him and his legacy was established in 1983 by President Ronald Reagan, but did you know that it took until the year 2000 for every state in the U.S. to fully accept and practice the holiday?
It is now the year 2021, and while I’m grateful that there is a day set aside to remember him, I can fully acknowledge that I haven’t put much of an emphasis on this day in years past. The day has been there for my entire life, and yet I am just now beginning to realize its true significance.
MLK’s legacy is powerful, poignant and resembles the legacy of Jesus in so very many ways. Nothing about his memory or the day to recognize him has changed over time, but I can tell you for certain that my heart and my callousness to what he stood for has slowly begun to change.
You see, our son is biracial, and he has a first-father who is black.
When we decided to enter into the adoption process, we knew so little about what would lie ahead for us. We soon began to learn that opening up our hearts and home would require much, much more than parenting and leading and loving. It would require a breaking down of our pride, our understanding of the world, and our privilege.
It would mean that our lives would be turned upside down when we’d see story after story on the news about men who looked like an adult version of our son, being wrongfully murdered or given unequal treatment under the law.
It meant that we would now see our black friends and neighbors with new eyes, albeit eyes that are only beginning to understand. It may be a dim window, but a window it is, nonetheless.
We will never understand fully.
That’s what I think I’ve begun to realize the most- my overwhelming inadequacy to truly see and feel and know what our black brothers and sisters are experiencing; the things that they’ve witnessed and felt and lived for their entire lifetimes.
I have begun to recognize the complicity of my own whiteness, that I’ve succumbed to from my early years into my adulthood. I didn’t know fully, but that didn’t mean it was okay.
I stood by.
I benefited.
I have always felt safe.
I’ve known that the world was open to me, that I could be or do anything I wanted without fear or any sort of recourse.
Those things, my friends, are privileges. Privileges that many of the people around us have not been given or do not have the luxury of falling back on day-to-day.
Coming up on Monday, lots of us will get the day off of work, or maybe you’re on a weekend getaway right now because of the long weekend.
Because of the kind of year we just left behind, and because of recent events, I urge you- no matter where you stand on the political spectrum- to honor this great man’s life. Maybe look up one of his letters or published works and read it with your family. Reflect on what he stood for and why. What did he say? How did he say it? How did he demonstrate what he believed? If he were here today, what would he think?
Nothing about MLK Jr.’s legacy is going to change from here. His actions are forever recorded on the scroll of history. He sacrificed his own safety, his family’s safety, and his comfort for the cause of justice.
His legacy won’t change, but we can. We can change the way we see him- not as just a figure of the past but of someone we can model our lives after NOW. We can remember him, say his name out loud, as we can say the names of the people in our lifetimes who have died tragically in the wake of things that MLK so desperately fought to fix.
What now seems so plain, that everyone should be treated equally, is unfortunately such a complex concept to many people. A lot about our world and our country has changed within the past year, and while plenty of positive steps have been taken, we have so far to go.
White friends, know that there are ways we can take baby steps toward understanding and knowledge. We can talk to one another about ways we can take what we’ve been given and turn it into something that will promote justice for everyone.
Side note:
Something that I’ve been thinking about for a long time and want to record here…
Just because we have a son with more melanin in his skin, this does not automatically make us:
*anti-racist
*better people
*more knowledgeable or understanding, etc.
PLEASE, may our actions and our hearts when you get to know us be the judge for how we’re doing in this area. May our efforts, however small, speak for themselves. My hope is that we’d never be viewed as something we’re not, though we strive to be all of the things I listed above. The fact that our family looks different should be cause for even more scrutiny, more questions, more action that is required on our part.
We are part of a unique, but ever growing population of families whose makeup consists of both black and white influences, ancestors and genes.
This side of heaven, we won’t fully arrive in learning how to be the absolute best parents and advocates for our children. We won’t have it all figured out. But we can continue to try, slowly, ever so diligently, to honor our son and his heritage; to make our personal world as inclusive and loving as we can. We can do it together. There is still hope for us, yet. There’s hope for our world to become more and more like the vision that MLK had for it. And it’ll take all of us doing our part, one day at a time.
Some ideas to make MLK Jr. Day significant for your family:
*Make a craft to busy your children’s hands as you talk about who he was/ have a memento to point to in your home: You can find ideas here, here, and here (the last link has several ideas).
*Read a book about his life: This one is so well done. (As are all of the ones in this series). Here is a video of the entire book read on Youtube.
*Watch a video: This is the Brain POP version. (Short, geared towards kids.)
*Visit a cemetery in your city that is historically ‘black’ or honors slaves’ memories. (Here is Huntsville, Alabama’s) You can go on an entire rabbit trail of research, about Ollye Conley- one of my new personal heroes in our city, and about how this cemetery came to be.
*Visit a black owned business or get take out, buy a product from a local, familly owned black business. (The link is to a directory for our city, Huntsville, AL.)
*Watch his full “I have a dream speech“
*Make cupcakes to “celebrate” his birthday as you talk about what he did for our country.
There are so many more ideas out there. I hope these may be helpful, as many MLK Jr. Day Parades are not happening this year.
{If you’re looking for a resource as a trans-racial adoptive family, this resource is EXCELLENT: Be The Bridge Transracial Adoption Bundle }
{I read about the making of MLK Jr. Day here.}
Photo taken at the EJI Memorial in Montgomery, AL.
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