\u201cHow is your health?\u201d is always somewhat of a complicated\nquestion. As I sit here, with my pajamas on, unwashed hair, coffee next to me,\nI ponder the fact that my ears do ring much louder after I have had caffeine.\nToday is one of those days in which I have time to sit in the quiet for awhile as\nthe baby naps. My toddler and husband are out on an errand, and I am here, once\nagain. Just me and my thoughts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I often find myself avoiding this place of self-reflection,\nbecause of the unknowns. Where will it go? What will I discover? Do I even want\nto uncover what has been lying dormant there? And then, frequently, the notion\nthat my inner life doesn\u2019t matter quite as much as another mundane, \u201curgent\u201d\ntask floods my brain and the valuable opportunity for quiet just slips right on\nby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today, as I resist that urge to flee, I think about my\nhealth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The ever-changing, ever-puzzling world of chronic illness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are times in which I feel motivated to stick to a\nregimen that I know is best for me. No dairy, no gluten, no processed sugars. No\ncaffeine. No alcohol. Exercise. Three nasal sprays a day, correct medicines in\nthe morning and night, and of course the weekly putting-on of my big girl\npanties to give myself a shot that makes me instantly feel like hot garbage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then there are times when I opt to drink the caffeine\nfor the energy and deal with the after-effects, as I\u2019ve done most every morning\nlately. Or when I dare take that bite of cake because I\u2019d rather enjoy the\nmoment now and take the risk of feeling worse later. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was talking with a friend last night that cares a lot\nabout me. That is a treasure in itself, but what makes her an even better\nfriend is that she asks questions. Good questions. She asked, \u201chow is your\nhealth?\u201d and my answer caught me off guard. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m good, well, I think, I mean, I had a rough patch with\nmy sinuses after my dad passed away, which is mostly better except that I think\nI might be going back to the ENT any day now for the ear that doesn\u2019t have a\ntube at the moment. And really, ever since I was diagnosed I haven\u2019t had any\nMAJOR issues, like the kind that other people have with my disease.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It occurred to me that I don\u2019t know what \u201cgood health\u201d\nreally is, for me. What is \u201cremission,\u201d anyway? Is it going off of medicine\naltogether, or is it staying in a period of low-level maintenance for an\nextended period of time? I think it really depends on the disease, and the\nperson. And this person with this rare disease is still in the process of\nfiguring it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then I remembered what my holistic doctor told me at my\nmost recent appointment with her. \u201cYou need to just rest in the fact that you\nare in a recovery period.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have never once thought of myself as being in a \u201crecovery period.\u201d\nI have always (subconsciously or not) looked at my health as something I can\nwork toward. Something I <\/em>have the power to improve. Which is a bit\ncomical, seeing as I was hit with an unexpected disease that has no known cause\nand has radically changed my life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You see, I have been holding onto a sense of control that\nhas ultimately been detrimental to me. Yes, our choices have consequences. Good\nor bad, they do affect the way we feel and heal. But I have put all of the\nburden on myself and my choices, when ultimately, I can\u2019t control what tomorrow\nbrings. I do not choose the outcome of my health and life in the end. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I saw this so clearly with my dad and his situation. He fought\nwith everything in him, harder and stronger than anyone I\u2019ve ever known. If his\nultimate outcome on this earth was dependent on how hard he fought for good\nhealth, he would be here, training for a marathon right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But this is where faith comes in. Without hesitation, I\nwould have wanted to my dad to go back in time and never be diagnosed with\nstomach cancer, never experience any suffering, and get to stay here on earth\nwith us for as long as possible. Deep down, I know that\u2019s the way it was\nsupposed to be. No sickness, no suffering, together forever. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It was supposed to be that way from the beginning. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead, we are stuck with a world that is messed up,\nbroken, filled with sickness, pain, suffering, loss, and if we\u2019re lucky, some\nrecovery periods mixed in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The past year has been a doozy for our whole family. But one\nof the things my dad liked to talk about was that this earth is so temporary.\nWe are in what will eventually be like a passing moment in the breadth of\neternity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n So, I can take that knowledge and live in the awareness that\ntoday is what I have been given. I can do my best to make good choices, but\nultimately my life is in the hands of the One who made the universe. I can\nrest. I can remember that I am loved, first and foremost. And that my suffering\nis not in vain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For Christmas, my sister gave us all a framed quote that came from our dad\u2019s journal. It reads, <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p> <\/p> \u201cGod is in control of my life, today and every hour of every day. He gives me the fruits of the spirit even when Satan tries to bring \u2018self-pity\u2019 into my mind. These trials present me an opportunity to show God\u2019s love and presence in all of our lives. Keep praying. This is a chapter in our lives but not the whole story. God is the author and I can\u2019t wait to see how He uses this for His Kingdom.\u201d<\/p> -Scott Butler<\/em> <\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n \u201cKeep praying.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If I strive for anything in this new year, this new decade, I want it to be this. And to daily, consciously, place my life, my health, my kids\u2019 lives, our family, into His hands. They are all so much safer there than they are locked up inside of my own mind where I am vying for control and dominance over them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThis is a chapter in our lives but not the whole story.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n My dad saw the mystery, the beauty in the fact that all of this will eventually come together for good. Even if the ultimate outcome is beyond what we will physically see with our eyes on this side of heaven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I want to see that too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n So this year, I hope we can all come a little closer to the\nperspective my dad held at the end of his life. Cease striving to be ANYthing that\nwe \u201cthink\u201d or \u201cexpect\u201d that we SHOULD be on our own accord, and let our souls\nrest in the God who made us and promises to restore, support, strengthen and establish\nus in His infallible ways.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cHow is your health?\u201d is always somewhat of a complicated question. As I sit here, with my pajamas on, unwashed hair, coffee next to me, I ponder the fact that my ears do ring much louder after I have had […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":212,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16,15,14],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/210"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=210"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/210\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":423,"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/210\/revisions\/423"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/212"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=210"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=210"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=210"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}