{"id":52,"date":"2016-09-18T11:58:28","date_gmt":"2016-09-18T11:58:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/morganburkewrites.inversionwebstudios.com\/?p=52"},"modified":"2019-10-20T02:01:42","modified_gmt":"2019-10-20T02:01:42","slug":"this-was-only-the-beginning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/morganburkewrites.com\/index.php\/2016\/09\/18\/this-was-only-the-beginning\/","title":{"rendered":"This was only the beginning."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Well\u2026we are having a baby! In March of 2017, a baby boy or girl will come into the world and as everyone says, \u201cour lives will change forever.\u201d We feel as if our lives have already been changed for the better by this little one. So much has happened over the past year, so many prayers answered, so many lessons learned. It is impossible to write out every beautiful way that our God has moved within our hearts and our circumstances. I believe that it is important to share these things, because if I have learned anything from this process, it is that my Father in heaven is the maker of new life and He loves me enough to make this story a reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tucker and I would have never guessed that this is how our story would play out, nor would we have chosen this sequence of events for ourselves. We decided in the Fall of 2015 that THE time had come. We would finally be open to starting a family of our own. I understood that having a baby as soon as we were married would not have been wise. My mind reasoned with that concept for 2 and a half years, while my heart continued its longing to become a mother. That longing was planted into my heart as a young girl, and although the intensity of this hope came and went over the years, it was always there reminding me of my ultimate dream for my future. Tucker was always in full support of this dream, in fact, he had known from a young age that he would be a father. Within our ten years of dating, our mutual hope of leading a family together was a strong force that carried us through to marriage. Even from the age of 15, I could see the potential father in him, and it made me love him that much more. We couldn\u2019t wait to live life together and see all of these things come to fruition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since we\u2019ve been married, working with children on a daily basis, getting to know friends who were young moms, and talks of future plans all kept this dream alive each day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, our life circumstances were such that we could make it work. We were living in a house in a new city that we loved, both had steady jobs, and finally felt settled for the first time in years. We were as ready as ever to embark on the journey of becoming parents. At least we thought we were ready.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Months 1 and 2 came and went, amidst conversations with close friends about our \u2018decision.\u2019 Several stories of first-month positive pregnancy tests made their way to me, giving me a sense of anticipation and excitement that couldn\u2019t be matched. I Googled \u201cearly pregnancy symptoms\u201d and countless other related topics far too much during this time. During the third month, as 2015 came to an end, I wrote out a prayer. I asked God to give us our greatest desire: a child of our own. I went out on a limb and asked for a big family one day. If He gave us the means, the power and the resources, we were ready to do it. I am not sure what led me to write this, but I asked for Him to \u201copen doors in unexpected places, places that are in the middle of His will for us.\u201d As I reasoned back then, it is usually in these places that we learn the most. Sure, it\u2019s good to ask for that, right? Doesn\u2019t it make sense, and isn\u2019t that how God has worked in the past? It was really easy to write those words back then, when we had no idea what he was about to walk us through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Months 4, 5, 6 and 7 passed. Slowly. Lots of questions filled my mind on a daily basis. I would reason, 6 or 7 months is not a long time to wait. The doctors said not to give it a second thought until I reached a full year. There were times of frustration, fear, and sadness. I didn\u2019t ask for God\u2019s help. I relied on my own reasoning, the internet, and my own perceived shortcomings to get me through each subsequent negative pregnancy test. I believed lots of things about my body that were only partially true, and I went to the doctor. I had multiple appointments, blood tests, and conversations that led me to believe that I had some significant hindrances present that would make it tough for us to have children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another month, another negative test, and I knew that the next step would be to take medication that would help us to conceive. I prayed that the Lord would give us a baby naturally, if He willed it so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I began to learn how common infertility issues are, and got a taste of how incredibly difficult this struggle can be. I will never look at someone who has faced infertility in the same light, or joke with a couple \u201choping they will go ahead and decide to have a baby.\u201d You just never know what they may be going through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually, in June of 2016, I began to feel the Lord stirring in my heart, the kind of stirring that can only be explained by the Holy Spirit. Something was about to happen, but I wasn\u2019t sure what He had in mind. I began to record these heart-stirrings in my journal, one of which included a family \u201cmission statement\u201d that now hangs on our wall. Words were coming, words that were not from me. Oh, how grateful I am for these words. They will forever be treasured in our family, and as I think back on this exciting season of our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the midst of all of this, I had this vision of my loving Father, grabbing me by the hand, leading me to a long-awaited surprise. Imagine standing in a place with your best friend, and they ask you to close your eyes, take you by the hand, and pull you forward. This is what I imagined. I had waited, and prayed, and hoped, and I could feel Him telling me to get ready, there were good things in store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the afternoon of June 22, I sat at my kitchen table with my journal and my lunch. I looked back at the words that made up our \u2018family mission statement\u2019 and was convicted deeply that our answer may be adopting our first child. I know this may sound clich\u00e9, but I truly believed that this was the new adventure that God had been speaking to me about. Some of our best friends had recently adopted a precious little boy, and I had heard of stories of God\u2019s providence in the adoption of children by friends of ours here in Franklin, Tennessee. At that moment, I surrendered my own will to have a child of our own, which was a miracle in itself, and felt the greatest peace I had felt in a long, long time. I felt strongly that God would use this directive in our family, and even went to an informational meeting with an adoption agency the following day. Tucker was sensibly cautious, yet supportive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Little did we know that new life was beginning inside of me at this very time!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two weeks after this, following conversations with friends who had adopted, phone calls with agencies, research, and prayer, there it was: two lines on that test that I had dreamt of seeing but thought was ages away from being a reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I believe that we were guided through this entire process, in this way, with great purpose. When we were finally given the realization that it was not our battle to fight, or our gift to attain, the Lord gave us the very thing he had been excited to impart to us all along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are nervous, excited, thrilled, and at peace, all at once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n