Sitting in the Starbucks of the Charlotte airport, I can’t help but stare at the blank screen in front of me. Staring, because I can’t seem to muster up the thoughts I want to write down.
Frozen, because the weight of life over the past few months is more than I’m able to adequately put into words. And if you know me, you know I tend to over-think and over “perfect” things. There is no clean cut, normal, or easy way to explain how the past several months have been for us.
But there are beautiful things. Things that are wonderful and awe-inspiring. Things we were privy to and continue to be a part of that are so much bigger than us.
I continue to find that my days are filled with a mixture of grief, newness of life through our beautiful baby boy, and an overall fogginess as a result of exhaustion.
Thoughts swim through my head about the manifestation of the disease I am faced with, how the events of recent days have affected it and how to treat it more properly.
I think about the tragedy and beauty of adoption.
I think about my dad.
In the midst of all of this, my husband and I are kicking the daily grind into full gear as we nurture sick kids, confront frequent middle-of-the-night toddler tantrums, and keep our littlest one on his daily feeding schedule.
As I heal, physically and emotionally from the events of the past months, and as I bask in the growth of our little family, I want this space online to be a place of peace. Not only for me.
My hope is that you would find connection.
I have learned that connection comes so much more naturally when you share the true parts of yourself.
We all want the everyday moments of our lives to be comfortable, easy. Being vulnerable is neither of those things. And yet, we find that once we open up, embrace our imperfections, and generate honesty about what is happening in our souls, we can finally reach our truest selves, the person that we were created to be. It’s not an easy place to stay, but it’s worth every bit of effort to get there day in and day out.
This is the place where true friendship begins.
Most significant of all, it’s where we can commune with God. Because He knows us down to our core, and He has always loved us.
As you read my thoughts, I hope that this is where they guide you…
Away from an automatic, simple, day to day “I’m fine” mentality, and toward true soul satisfying, peace-giving connection with both your Creator and the people you live life with.
If the ones you live life with and spend most of your time with are children, it becomes increasingly clear that in order to pass these truths onto them we must first understand them fully ourselves.
You can find me here, stepping outside of the privacy of my own soul in an effort to grasp these truths with a clenched fist. As a result, may our little ones learn how important it is to seek the truth for themselves, grasp it, and hold onto it for dear life.
As I process and share about the following:
Death of a loved one
My perspective will be from the vantage point of motherhood.
Mothering in the midst of suffering.
Motherhood isn’t easy, nor are any of the things mentioned above. If any of these touch you in some way, I hope you’ll stick around.